How Was Your Weekend

Written January 24^th, 2009


"Hey Charles, how was your weekend?"

"Good, good. I went out after work on Friday (after not eating all day and biking about fifteen miles), drank a hard cider followed by approximately seven Irish Car Bombs in quick succession, and then proceeded to throw up at the table into glasses, into my lap, and onto the floor.

Afterward I stumbled outside, half blind, and proceeded to bitch about the cold while Robert supervised and used a tree to support myself until I decided to just throw up on all fours onto the grass. Then David S., K, Robert, or some combo of all three got me into David's car and I held a bag to my face until we got to my place. I don't remember any of the trip. Besides making sure I kept the plastic bag around my face at all times. Can you say you asphyxiation?

Then I was carried into my apartment by David S. and K like I was a wounded soldier and promptly found myself lying in bed without any clothes on. The lovely K had provided a bucket, water, and some Bayer. Apparently I fell asleep with a paper towel over my mouth and woke up once or twice only to throw up and go back asleep again.

Then I woke up for real, took a very slow shower, and laid back down for a while before getting up and starting a Lost marathon. That's been the routine: Taking it easy, hydrating, eating, Lost, repeat."

Friday night was a lot of fun while it lasted. I laughed a ton, saw some good people, and gave innumerable high-fives. I even got lucky and somehow skipped that stage between Fun and Puking where you feel like crap. I jumped straight to black outs and barfing. Go me! And today, besides being weak and slightly woozy in the morning, I've had no hangover. It's like I fell down this big hill and managed to miss every tree and rock and made it to the bottom with only some grass stains. Except the stains smell like the inside of my stomach.

I want to officially apologize to everyone involved for my reckless inebriation. I'm not accustomed to drinking alcohol. To that degree and intensity. I really should have eaten more, drank less, went slower, blah blah blah. I regret nothing, except possibly ruining anyone's night. It can't be super awesome to have a weirdo upchucking near you. Or in your car. Or having to carry him to his house. So for that, I'm sorry.

Now it's time for me to lay down before I go to bed. For all you lucky tossers that don't have to work tomorrow, have a good rest of the weekend.